Fun, Humor, a few laughs, the lost art of connecting with members!

Management is not all about performance indicators. It also about creating relationships with members that add a smile to your day. The following email exchange occurred when one of our long standing members made some interesting inquiries regarding my life in retirement !  My response follows. The name of the inquisitive member has been changed to protect the guilty !!

Hey Mike,

I have a suggestion: can you send us a quick “Briefing Note” on how retirement feels like?

You know, what time do you wake up at? Have you signed up for Zumba classes? Have you already discovered that your neighbor is weird (and your neighborhood is boring)?

 Progress on the long-postponed colonoscopy? Did they find anything of interest? [I am particularly curious about that huge diamond you smuggled out of Africa in your youth.] 

And how about intellectual stuff? Did you finish Harry Potter, or not yet?  I know, it’s challenging grammar, but an effort will keep your brain connections connected. 

How about diet? Are you now a vegan, a vegetarian, a paleo, or a gluten-less?  I think those are all the same: in the end, the tradeoff is always between dying young but happy, or old but sad.

Speaking of trade-offs: how many time have you gone to return materials to Home-Depot because your home-improvement project failed? Don’t blame yourself; who knew that there was a water pipe behind that dry-wall!!!??? Or that the leak would be so noticeable on your wife’s favorite rug!!!  You were trying to save the family some money, for God sakes!!! That merits some praise, not all that nagging, right?

Very related, is your dog the only one in the house that pays attention to you? What do you mean you didn’t know you had a dog??? You knew that! You may have forgotten how big, ugly, and lazy he is. But you should rejoice that he is still young, and will keep you going for walks five times a day for the rest of your life, rain or shine. [No, I don’t think that you can convince your wife to share the burden: she walked that dog for the past five years, while you were sitting in your World Bank office.]

Of course, I have a few more questions, mostly about the intimacy of retirement (you know, the things one used to do but barely remembers). But I will keep those for an in-person conversation when you have gathered more data (frequency, intensity, etc.).

Meantime, keep punching, my dear brother.  Un abrazo,

Mr.X

Greetings Mr.X

So nice of you to inquire about my health and wellbeing now that I have begun my journey into the golden years of retirement.

To answer your specific questions:

First, regarding my “long postponed colonoscopy” Happily that is no longer a concern since coming under the erstwhile care of my Irish Proctologist Dr.Ben Dover.

Suffice to say that over the course of our strictly patient-Doctor relationship we have been to some deep dark places in probing the depths of my colonic health and wellness.

Thankfully Dr.Ben Dover advises that any problems I had in that area are all “behind” me now.

Which is a perfect segue into your concerns re the diamond I smuggled out of Africa in my youth. I am very happy to say that very diamond now sits on my dearly betrothed Mrs. James’ left ring finger as a symbol of our marital union.  How it got from the dark recesses of my bodily cavities onto my wife’s finger is a story for another time and place Mr. X spot.

Indeed one could say that, given its shrouded history, it truly is an example of the proverbial “Diamond in the rough”

Now concerning my Nutritional proclivities during retirement.

This is another interesting area Mr.X.  I try to manage my intake of food in between my numerous happy hours and early bird dinners where myself and others of the gray hair and crackling pelvis population groove along to the swinging Tunes of Tony Orlando crooning “Tie a yellow ribbon around the old gum tree”  or is it Tie a koala around the old gum tree?   But I digress.

Mr.X my canine Pal the highly intelligent Labrador Sam has been a source of never ending delight. But alas I think you are incorrect . You see it was actually Sam making the comments to his frolicking 4 legged pals at the dog park about not realizing how big,dumb and lazy I had become after 24 years at the World Bank.

Sam is still a challenge though I must admit. With his high level of intelligence, it is very hard to pursue my mind -fitness activities via crossword puzzles, Sudoku etc.  To my dismay, upon return from my increasingly frequent restroom breaks  I find the crossword puzzle complete and the telltale signs of a Hb pencil bearing canine indentations . Meanwhile Sam tries to cover his clandestine crossword compulsion, by the furtive licking of his nether regions.   Yes indeed Sam is also to be admired for his joint flexibility and glossal dexterity as well as intelligence.

I hope that this satisfies your curiosity as to my retirement lifestyle Mr.X.

As you can see my time is well spent and allows me the freedom to pursue other activities including the intellectual enlightenment now accessible via digital technology.  For example Ted talks available on YouTube have a vast array of talented presenters, including your good self, but alas they pale into insignificance when compared to the contribution of one ofthe USA’s true intellectual giants … I   speak o course of Mr. Jerry Springer…

So Mr. X I must now leave our very enjoyable discourse , as I hit my Comcast on Demand and hear the cacophony of sound that greets me at 8 a.m every morning when I awake to  JERRY JERRY , JERRYJERRY !

Ahh the Golden years …Time well spent Mr. X  time well spent!!